Wednesday, March 18, 2015

Parental Suffering & Your Children - Spare or Share?

I always thought I wanted to protect my children. I wanted to spare them from any extra worries or hardship if I could. Life has forced my hand this week and I was confronted with having to share the burden with them …

I'm in my final week(s) of pregnancy and due to rheumatoid arthritis it is even difficult to walk. Although I contemplating inducing baby early because of the extreme pain, I have decided to choose to respect my body's timing and let nature run its course here. (I've shared the development of my thoughts and the heart to heart with my OB dr behind that decision in an article for The Guiding Star blog, which will be up soon and I'll update the link here when it is.)

Yet, saying "yes" to waiting on my body (even through the suffering) means saying "no" to almost everything else right now. Even errands which used to be so easy are near impossible without tears. So, once I made this decision to accept the waiting,  I had to let go of the mommy-superstar cape and realize that I just can't do those things right now.

Because my husband was taking the littlest two to a specialist doctor apt an hour away, and I realized I couldn't take the older ones to their karate on my own, we had to call the school and tell them to have the boys take the bus home. I knew they'd be confused and maybe upset. I knew I would have to share my suffering with them - as much as I didn't want them to have extra worries! Yet, this is life right now and they will have to be a part of it.

When they arrived home, they were indeed confused and a little out of sorts, wondering why they had to ride the bus.
We all sat together in the living room and I explained how mommy had to choose between hurrying the baby along or accepting the suffering for now & letting the baby come when the time was right.
I told them that saying "Yes" to the waiting and suffering was a sacrifice I didn't want to do, but that I thought was right.
But what this means, I said, is that we sacrifice together as a family, because if daddy can't be there, we might not be able to do things like karate today.
It won't last forever and I feel so badly that you can't do those things right now, but don't you think it's best to offer this up for our baby? (I was in tears at this point and so were they...)

All three of them said, YES! & "Let's sacrifice for the baby!" & "It's Lent anyway, mom." (Of course it is! How silly of mommy not to realize it would be no big deal - it being Lent and all) ;-)

Who knew drawing them into my suffering would be so rewarding?


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